My Secret Love, My Eternal Darkness
by Kitty-Yasha
Summary: (One shot) What would you do if you loved someone so much it hurt, but they loved someone else. What would you do if you could not live without them. Would you pay the ultimate price to make them happy?


Authors note:  
  
This is a one-shot fic. Which means this is it. No more chapters, updates etc. hope you like it. This is a very dark and at one point sort of graphic. If you don't like stories with themes of, suicide/death etc. Don't read. This is a shounen-ai story. Which means it deals with Male/male relationships. If you can't deal with that then leave, I won't hold it against you. For anyone who thinks I should rate it higher.. I would.. but then I wouldn't be able to post it.. so please don't report me! T-T I'll cry if you do.  
  
WARNING GRAPHIC SUICIDE STUFF AHEAD IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON"T READ ANY FURTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN"T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. O_o  
  
Important stuff:  
  
*** Blah blah = Point of view change.  
  
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My Secret Love, My Eternal Darkness (One-Shot)  
  
The Sun begins to set in the horizon, turning the azure blue sky into a collage of orange, amethyst and golden yellow light. I watch, as rays of pale orange slip through the spaces in the curtains, and are lost to the darkness.  
  
The room is shrouded in obscurity, the air, thick with the feeling of utter desolation and hopelessness. I am alone. Sorrow fills every crevice adding to the room's dreary and solemn setting.  
  
I had made sure the door behind me was locked. In case someone decided to stop me from my goal. I am sitting propped against my bed, my arms resting on my thighs. One of them is holding on to the object of my desire, and my fear. It's surface cool to the touch, such a small trinket really, but powerful all the same.  
  
I trace a finger along its sharp edge, a trail of blood appear. Tiny droplets of the red liquid substance drop delicately from my finger onto the smooth surface of the white carpet. I watch as drop after drop fall and begin to form a small circle on the floor.  
  
Pain echoes from the small incision, I do not make a move to stop it. I am entranced by the feeling, I crave it. It calls to me. I want to end the pain. I want to free of this growing ache in my heart that consumes me more and more everyday. I long for freedom.  
  
I have been sitting here, thinking about the things that have brought me to this decision. I have no regrets; I would do anything for my love. If that means that I must leave this world to make him happy, I will be more than happy to comply.  
  
The darkness is comforting. Yet it amplifies my pain into an overwhelming feeling of solitude and eternal darkness. How could I ever believe that someone like Yugi, someone full of light and purity would love something like me?  
  
Someone with a soul Bathed in blood, and filled with the pain and darkness of thousands of years. Who's hands, are forever stained crimson, with the blood of innocent people? Never; so here I sit. Contemplating.  
  
I know he will be happy after this. My love will no longer have to worry about me. He can spend his time with his beloved Seto, without having to worry weather or not I can take care of myself. I'm just holding him back. I do not do anything right. It is not as if I belong here anyway. I know that this is for the best.  
  
I raise the small blade up to my face with my right hand and I look at it. It shines in small patch of light. The sun will be setting soon. I must hurry if I wish to achieve my goal.  
  
I slowly bring the blade to the underside of my left arm, and gently press its cool surface onto the warm skin at my wrist. Adding more pressure, I slowly pull the blade up to my elbow. Pain shoots up my arm as the thick red substance erupts to the surface and slowly begins to roll down the sides.  
  
The pain is now to a dull throb as the scarlet substance flows freely. I stare at it for a while. Then I lift the blade from my arm. It is covered in the same red substance. Emotionless, I transfer the knife to my left hand that can barely grip it.  
  
I raise, my now soaked left arm holding the knife, to the right. I hold the blade to the underside of my wrist and apply pressure. I pull the blade up to my elbow as before consistently applying pressure.  
  
The pain almost begins immediately, I drop the knife onto the carpet next to me. It is now covered in red, and a small pool begins to form around it. I lay my hands back onto my thighs, and rest my head back onto the bed.  
  
Every thing is starting to get blurry, I can no longer hear very well. Everything is swirling. I look down at my arms. There is a long red gash from my wrist to my elbow. My arms are now totally covered something red, it is still oozing out of my arm. I look at the side of me, there is the knife lying on the carpet, covered in the same red substance.  
  
I can no longer remember who how long I have been here. It seems like an eternity. The pale orange light is gone now. I am surrounded in darkness. Seems like I have been surrounded in darkness my whole life. What is so different now. At least this time I no longer have to bear the pain.  
  
Sounds begin to flow up from downstairs. They must be home already. O well it's too late now. Now they won't have to deal with me because I'll be gone. Everyone will be happy now. That is how it should be.  
  
I feel lightheaded. There is a slight throb in my arms but it does not hurt much compared to the feeling I got every time I saw my love with someone else. The red substance is all around me now.  
  
The pants I was wearing are soaked deep red, now the carpet around me is all red too. Heh, it used to be white too. O well. It's getting hard for me to keep my eyes open. I blink several times. My eyelids seem so heavy.  
  
Everything seems so heavy. My head slumps to the side, I no longer have the strength to even hold it up. It will be over soon.  
  
I hear muffled sounds, I think they are footsteps coming up the stairs. They are getting closer. My eyes are too heavy to hold up. I close them.  
  
I am surrounded by darkness. Like much of my life. The footsteps stop, I can't really tell but I think I hear my door open. But I cant. I long for the emptiness that is threatening to engulf me.  
  
I feel like I'm standing on the rim of something incomprehensible. Some odd feeling inside me propels me to it. Suddenly I hear what sounds like a scream. But it seems so distant. Sounds are no longer distinguishable. I don't understand.  
  
Please just leave me. I want this. Then what sounds like people yelling and someone crying? "How could you do this Yami! Call an ambulance!" A man yells in the background. Then I hear more hurried footsteps. "Oh my god." a voice whispers.  
  
I am being shaken, someone is yelling at me. "Wake up! Please wake up! Don't you dare die on me!" I feel a slight pressure on my arms. Then something like droplets of water. Only to have the feeling of lightheadedness return again only stronger this time.  
  
"Goodbye my love" I whisper with all my strength and I finally let go letting the darkness engulf me.  
  
***  
  
"Yami? Yami? YAMI no!" Yugi shakes the now still teen lying propped against the bed. He had just come home from a date with Seto who had just asked him to be his boyfriend. He had been flattered but had declined.  
  
Yes he did like Seto, but he had realized earlier that that was all it was. He had told Seto that he had already fallen in love with someone else but did not yet know how to tell him.  
  
He had always loved Yami, but never wanted to express his feelings for fear the spirit would leave him. He had told Seto this, and although heartbroken, told Yugi that he owed Yami the truth. With the intentions of telling his beloved spirit that he loved him, the two went home.  
  
Yugi got home only to find the object of his affections lying against his bed, his arms slit, and as cold as ice.  
  
Yami had stopped breathing. With that Yugi lost control. He Lay down on Yami's lap and just cried.  
  
"It wasn't supposed to be like this." Yugi whispered as tears stained his cheeks, the power of his sobs shaking his whole body.  
  
"IT WASN"T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!!" Yugi yelled punching his fists on Yami's leg in frustration.  
  
The paramedics that Seto had called a few minutes earlier, finally arrived to find Yugi still lying on Yami's lap crying. Hard. The power of his sobs now shaking is now exhausted form.  
  
Seto pried open Yugi's grip on Yami's body as the paramedic's checked Yami's pulse.  
  
"Leave me alone!!! Give me back my Yami!!!" Yugi yelled struggling in Seto's grip. Sugoroku took Yugi from Seto and hugged him tightly as the boy wept even more.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Motou he's gone." The paramedic who was checking Yami's pulse shook his head slightly.  
  
"NO!!!! YOUR LYING!!" Yugi broke free from Sugoroku's hug, and ran towards Yami's body. But one of the paramedics caught him before he reached yami and held him away.  
  
"LET ME GO!! YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM!!" Yugi yelled kicking and screaming as the other paramedics lifted Yami's body out of the room.  
  
*****  
  
Yugi stood on a small hill with a single, dark red rose in his hands. He was dressed in black pants and a black turtle neck sweater. Tears rolling down his cheeks, he was pale and there were dark circles under his eyes.  
  
He stared at the small cement tombstone with the word Yami Motou engraved on it.  
  
He still couldn't believe it. It had been a month since it happened and he still couldn't believe it. The love of his life was gone and there was nothing he could do to bring him back.  
  
"My life has never been the same since you left Yami." Yugi whispered still staring at the tombstone. "But I know what I must do now. These last couple of weeks, have been hell. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't do anything without thinking about you."  
  
Yugi turned his head from the tombstone to his pocket, where he pulled out a small blue vile and stared at it.  
  
Yugi took off the top, and brought it up to his mouth. He paused for a moment. Then whispered. "I'm sorry Grandpa." Then drank the contents of the vile and dropped it onto the floor.  
  
The vile fell onto the grass without a sound. Yugi coughed slightly and began to breathe irregularly.  
  
Yugi got down onto his knees, and lay down next to Yami's grave, Still clutching the red rose in his hands.  
  
"I love you Yami." Yugi closed his eyes. His breathing gradually slowed and finally stopped altogether.  
  
A slight wind blew through the trees, bringing the sweet smell of roses throughout the fields. The Sun begins to set in the horizon, turning the azure blue sky into a collage of orange, amethyst and golden yellow light. 


End file.
